Needs of the Self-Sacrificing Type
The needs of the Self-Sacrificing type are derived from John M. Oldham's description of the Self-Sacrificing style. In Stoic philosophical and psychological theory these needs are vices. They are analogous to Karen Horney's neurotic needs, which are better called irrational needs. They are irrational because they require things not in our power and involve false judgment of what is good or evil. (see G. Sterling).
Irrational needs are vices. The vices listed below are based on certain false values. The source of every vice is a false judgment of what is good or evil. But our judgments are in our power. Therefore, our vices are in our power.
The idealized image is chiefly a glorification of the needs which have developed (Horney, pg. 277).
- needs to serve (Oldham, 319)
- needs to give (319)
- needs to let their own needs wait until others are well served (319)
- needs to give people the shirt off their backs and not wait to be asked (319)
- needs to be helpful to others (319)
- needs to be compassionate
- needs to be non-competitive and unambitious, comfortable coming in second, even last (319)
- needs to always be considerate in dealings with others (320)
- needs to be ethical, honest, and trustworthy (320)
- needs to be non-judgmental, tolerant of others foibles, and never harshly reproving (320)
- needs to stick with others through thick or thin (320)
- needs to avoid being fussed over (320)
- needs to avoid being the center of attention (320)
- needs to be long-suffering (320)
- needs to be patient and tolerate discomfort (320)
- needs to avoid awareness of their own impact on others' lives or to suspect deviousness or underhanded motives in the people to whom they give so much of themselves (320)
- needs to give to others, to serve (320)
- needs to do for and give to everyone they come in contact with (321)
- needs to always help others (321)
- needs to avoid seeking rewards for their helpfulness (321)
- needs to sacrifice their own needs in the act of service (369)
- needs to be altruistic (321)
- needs to labor to make others' lives better (321)
- needs to sacrifice their own needs to those of the family (321)
- needs to do all they can to alleviate the suffering and hardship of any creatures in pain and in need (321)
- needs their efforts to always be for someone else (321)
- needs to routinely deflect attention away from themselves (321)
- needs to avoid taking full credit for what they do (322)
- needs to be loved and appreciated (322)
- needs to avoid appearing prideful or pushy (322)
- needs to avoid positive attention (322)
- needs to give others pleasure or assistance (322)
- needs to avoid receiving pleasure or assistance from others (322)
- needs to work to achieve acceptance through their giving (322)
- needs to be tuned in to what others need and want (325)
- needs to be forgiving and tolerant (325)
- needs to be pleasure-givers not pleasure-seekers (325)
- needs to see the world as a hard, tough place--painfully real--in which their mission is to make things better for other people (326)
- needs to take on much, willingly giving up their leisure time to care for others (326)
- needs others to appreciate, understand, and love them for all that they do (326)
- needs to always be doing someone a good turn (327)
- needs to earn their feeling of worth, and love, attention, and pleasure (327)
Masochistic personality, or character, disorder is comprised of these and other irrational needs, or vices.
Values of the Self-Sacrificing Type
Karen Horney (1950). Neurosis and Human Growth. New York: W. W. Norton.
John M. Oldham and Lois B. Morris (1995).
The New Personality Self-Portrait: Why You Think, Work, Love, and Act the
Way You Do.
Rev. ed. New York: Bantam.
Grant Sterling (2005). "Core Stoicism." International Stoic Forum.